


The Gingham Altar

by moonflowers



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - The Great British Bake Off Fusion, Baking, Gen, Humor, Innuendo, M/M, Merlin is so done, Pre-Relationship, cakes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-09-13 10:38:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9119992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonflowers/pseuds/moonflowers
Summary: "Harry, everybody knows how to win you over," Merlin said, frowning absently as the clean up crew filed in to start sweeping up the scattered flour and mop up the nervous sweat left behind by the bakers under their scrutiny, "give you a pretty smile and dump half a bottle of booze in the cake mix."





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hartwinning](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hartwinning/gifts).



> I love the Bake Off so much, I couldn't resist your prompt. I wrote a teeny Bake Off AU before, but it was quite different to this one.  
> There's a hint of Hartwin because I am weak, I hope that's okay.
> 
> Posting from my phone so there may well be spelling mistakes I'll have to fix later.

"Hello!"

"Good evening."

"We hope you're sitting comfortably..."

"Because in the coming weeks we'll be embarking on what promises to be another series chock full of tarts, buns, and good stiff crusts."

"But hopefully no soggy bottoms."

"Will anyone raise the bar high enough to meet Merlin's exacting standards and make the man of steel crack a smile?"

"Or earn one of his coveted handshakes for a job well done?"

"Will anyone make Galahad go weak at the knees with a display of perfect pastry and sublime sponges?" 

"It's not so easy as you might think."

"Welcome, to the Great British Bake Off."

~

First day of filming over and done, and slightly rattled looking contestants escorted out of the now famous Great British Bake Off tent, Harry and Merlin were free to discuss that year's hopefuls.

"Don't look so put out, for goodness sake," Harry said, easing some stray fondant out from under his fingernail, "everyone's at their worst in the first week, you know that. No wonder, with you breathing down their necks."

Merlin grunted in reply, flipping through the notes he'd made on each baker's processes while they were working. "They need to be able to keep calm under pressure."

"There's more to being a good baker than keeping a cool head," Harry retorted. "It'll take more than that to win me over, at any rate."

"Harry, everybody knows how to win you over," Merlin said, frowning absently as the clean up crew filed in to start sweeping up the scattered flour and mop up the nervous sweat left behind by the bakers under their scrutiny, "give you a pretty smile and dump half a bottle of booze in the cake mix."

"That's not true," Harry sniffed, pride bruised, and pretended to adjust his jacket cuff in the guise of looking important. He was getting somewhat of a reputation for being the softer of the two. Not a difficult feat when placed next to Merlin, but still.

"Oh I am sorry, I forgot number three - have a bittersweet backstory about how they're doing this for their mum."

"Do shut up," Harry said, watching with mild regret as the remains of an actually rather palatable batch of biscuits was whisked out of his reach. "Besides, I'd rather be known as the soft touch than the one who makes contestants cry over their slightly misshapen harvest loaf. The entire nation lives in fear of you during Bread Week, you know."

"And so they should," Merlin put aside his notes and gestured for Harry to follow him out of the tent. Tradition dictated they would meet James and Alistair in the former's trailer for a tot of something and a good gossip about that year's crop of bakers with the two hosts. "Anyone in particular taking your fancy so far?"

As he'd said to Merlin moments ago, it was difficult to accurately judge any of the bakers on week one - they were all a flutter with nerves and the novelty of Harry and Merlin and the entire nation watching their every move. Obviously some had fared better than others, but Harry would be lying if he said there wasn't one baker who'd caught his eye. He cleared his throat. "One or two show promise of course, but it's hard to say so early on."

Merlin raised an eyebrow, seeing straight through Harry's tactical evasion, as always. "It's the boy from London isn't it?" he said. "The one who's supporting his mum and little sister, uses too much sugar, and seems determined to put gold leaf on everything."

Damn. "There's no such thing as too much sugar," Harry said stiffly, and let himself into James' trailer before Merlin could say anything more. 

~

"Half an hour remaining, bakers. That's half an hour."

"And remember, we want that layer of ganache as smooth and shining as the top of our dear Merlin's head."

A majority of Lancelot and Percival's lines were written ahead of time of course, but Harry saw Merlin's eye twitch just a fraction at James' last remark all the same. By the end of the series, he'd have heard so much of it he'd be immune altogether.

"That's right. And it might be a good plan to keep the man himself as happy as you can today - "

"Because it's bread week next week, and any chance to get yourself in his good books ahead of time must be taken, lest you incite his dough-based wrath." 

The bakers were tasked with baking a simple chocolate cake, each complete with a filling of their choice, a covering of chocolate ganache, and decoration also crafted from chocolate to showcase their range of skills. On the whole, Harry preferred lighter, fruit based cakes, but the rich smell of chocolate that filled the tent as the contestants got to work was undeniably delicious. He and Merlin began their standard walk around the set to chat to the bakers as they worked, both delighting in the panic their sudden appearance brought to each of their eyes, though only Harry bothered to cover it up. Merlin was famous for making bakers doubt themselves with nothing more than a flat stare and a "...really?" 

They'd made their way around to Valentine, Roxanne, and Gazelle - who'd met Merlin's inscrutable look with an equally unnerving one of her own - and drew up to the counter occupied by Gary-who-preferred-Eggsy. A moniker that coupled with his charming smile and likeable persona was sure to make him a fan favourite in weeks to come. His cake was out of the oven and cooling ready to cover shortly, Eggsy now rolling little round truffles as part of his decoration. 

"Your balls are looking lovely there, Eggsy," said James, peering over his shoulder.

He laughed, open and unabashed, and Harry's breath caught in his throat. "Thanks. I try."

"So," Harry said, keen both to talk to the young man more, and distract himself from the way he kept going to lick chocolate from his fingers but stopping himself at the last moment - a rather futile venture, "what do you have planned for us today, Eggsy?"

"Well Galahad," Eggsy said cheerfully, wiping his chocolatey hands on his apron, thank God, "what I got planned is the plain chocolate sponge, nice and simple. Then the layer of whipped cream swirled together with raspberries in the middle, ganache just on the top, finished off with more raspberries, chocolate curls, and my little truffles here."

Merlin gave him the barest nod of approval, ever the fan of a strong methodology. "A tried and tested recipe, I believe?

"Well, it's my little sister's favourite, and she ain't ever wrong," Eggsy said with a smile, "so I'm feeling pretty good about it."

"I very much look forward to tasting it," Harry said, eyes flicking up to the smudge of chocolate on Eggsy's forehead that on anyone one else would have irritated him, but on Eggsy he found inexplicably endearing. Probably best if they moved on before he reached out to wipe it off. "Good luck."

"Ta Galahad," Eggsy threw him a wink and went back to his truffles. Merlin forcibly nudged Harry along to the next counter. 

He tried his best to remain professional and attentive as they made their way around the tent to the rest of the bakers, but Harry couldn't stop himself sneaking the odd glance across to where Eggsy was working, eyes narrowed and lips parted in concentration as he piped the mix of cream and raspberries onto his cake. 

"That's it bakers, time's up," Lancelot bellowed some time later, making half of them jump and the other half wince at their creations not gone quite to plan.

"Put away your piping bags and get rid of your leftover ganache," said Percival, "it's time to bring your bakes up to the gingham altar."

One by one, each baker brought their cakes up to the front for Harry and Merlin to sample, wringing their hands and waiting for their verdict. Harry gave constructive criticism where it was due, but tried to be encouraging overall to take the edge off Merlin's somewhat more blunt comments. As always, James and Alistair got their hands on each cake as soon as they could, and were soon engaged in a silent battle over who could wipe their sticky fingers on the other's suit first. It proved thoroughly distracting, until the final baker, that was. 

"Eggsy's the last to bring his bake up to the judges."

"But will his balls earn Galahad's approval?"

Good God. Harry was going to murder James for that.

"Looking good, Eggsy," Merlin said as he set his cake down before them.

"Feeling good, Merlin." He winked again, and Harry really needed him to stop doing that if he was going to make it through the series with his dignity intact. 

~

"I'd very much appreciate it if you could stop panting over the lad," Merlin said to him once the cameras were all packed away, "the last thing we need is accusations of favouritism."

Harry snorted, a thing he'd never allow himself to do if the cameras were still on. "Merlin, there's always allegations of favouritism. One person wins star baker two weeks in a row and the public decides they simply must be sleeping with James, or are actually your cousin's mother-in-law's long lost best friend from school."

"That's not the point, you shameless lech."

"Merlin, we both know that young man has potential, and with or without my attentions, he will shine." Harry was certain of it - he could already picture Eggsy rubbing shoulders with British cooking royalty. Sharing banter with Jamie Oliver as they baked with a horde of giggling children, flirting horrendously with Nigella Lawson over some decadent dessert, perhaps even something with Harry himself one day, if he was lucky. 

Merlin grunted, and turned to make his way over to where James and Percival were bickering over the remains of the chocolate cakes. "Just don't come running to me when it's splashed all over The Sun in a month's time."

**Author's Note:**

> I watched an episode even as I typed this earlier today. It was a bread week episode, they were making English muffins, stress levels were high.  
> Ta for the prompt, it was a lot if fun and I loved it :)


End file.
